Mission Impossible 3
by isabellasaunders
Summary: Things are funner when you arent sober lol ;) By the way its Kenshin x Kaoru just so you know and the Battousai is in it but since it only let me put two characters you can kinda get the point


Mission Impossible Objective 3: Dealing with a Drunken Kenshin/ Battousai and Drunken Saito

"Okay I admit, maybe I shouldn't have poured three gallons of sake down the idiot's throat but in my defense he needed to relax. He's always worrying about dumb shit so I just wanted to loosen him up." Carrying a drunk and passed out Kenshin, Saito came into the dojo his own soberness being questioned. "Well here you go!" He dropped Kenshin on the floor of the training room. He began to stagger away; Misao stood up quickly, "Wait, wait, hold up there! Where the hell do you think you're going?! This is your fault right!? So you have to fix it!" Saito turned a little too quickly nearly losing his footing, "Whoah, whoah, dudes, guys did you feel that? That was one mad earthquake dude, guys, seriously, like whoah." He starts to giggle almost hysterically. Sano only eyed him; he was lost for words, "Okay hold up. What the hell is going on? Is…is Saito drunk?" Saito only laughed then his eyes got soft. Wait! Wait, hold up Saito's eyes soft?! What the hell am I writing?! "Sano," his eyes were tearing up, "dude I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to." Sano just looked at him as the drunken man staggered over to him laying his head on his shoulder. "Umm….." "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to kill the puppy. It was just barking and it got on my nerves. I couldn't control myself I'm so sorry. Please dude, forgive me." Sano just looked at him, "Umm….what puppy? What are you talking about?" "Man I'm just…. I'm so sorry. Forgive me dude." Sano didn't know what the hell to do. He just sat there and patted the drunken man's head awkwardly, "Umm…..there there it's okay I forgive you." Kenshin's body started to shift. "Oi," Misao looked at Kenshin, "Kenshin wake up." Kenshin slowly started to sit up, his eyes unseen. "Don't….," His voice was low as everyone looked at him wondering what he was going to say, "Touch me!" He grasped Misao's wrist and twisted it until he heard the familiar sound of bones cracking. She grunted in pain as her body found the floor. Kenshin looked at her, his face less than 2 inches away from hers, as she held her wrist, "Oi Misao, why are you on the floor?" He hiccupped, "Dude you're getting all dirty down there, silly girl." Misao's eyes betrayed her fear and confusion. Saito looked at Kenshin then broke out into a smile, "Dude you were knocked out bro I mean….hic…I mean…" Kenshin stood up unsteadily and stumbled over to Saito. He draped his arm over Saito's shoulder, "Bro, bro, bro I'm being serious, you see me face? I'm so serious right now, we should go to um….um…like….but bro..." His eyes flashed; he pushed Saito against the wall and nailed him with his sword at the other man's throat. His breath smelled heavily of alcohol, "How would you like your head on your shoulders on my….ha!" He fell to the ground laughing; Saito soon joined him grasping the other man's shoulder for balance. Sano, Kaoru, Yahiko, and Misao all looked at them with concern and confusion. Yahiko whispered to Kaoru, "Oi, what's their problem. They're acting just as bad as you look." Kaoru growled at Yahiko and ignored his question. Kenshin looked at Kaoru and began to get up. He wobbled dangerously, Kaoru ran over to catch just in case he fell, "Kenshin maybe you should go lay down." He looked at her, "Kaoru I just wanted to tell you that you are the world to me. I think you're just great, but I gotta say this, you're cooking sucks. I mean it could choke a donkey and kill its future kids. It is horrible." Kaoru growled at Kenshin; Kenshin threw her to the floor, "You're so annoying!" He raised his sword, "Whoa Saito bro come look at this." He dropped his sword to the ground just as Saito came over drunkenly, "Dude, what it is?" Kenshin began to scratch behind Kaoru's ears, "Bro I think it's the puppy you thought you killed dude." Saito looked at Kaoru, his mouth agape and his eyes glassy yet filled with amazement. He reached for Kaoru's head and began to ruffle her hair, "Who's a good puppy? You are. You're a good puppy! Yes you are!" Kenshin looked at Kaoru, "Dude I mean its fur is so soft. Do you feel this? I mean r…I HATE THE DAMN PUPPY AHHHHHHHH!" He threw Kaoru against the wall and regained his sword. As he stood up he wobbled, "Whoa, serious earthquake." He charged at Kaoru and slashed, totally missing Kaoru. I guess his eyesight is sort of off too. He grumbled at Yahiko, "You stupid cactus! I'll cut off your head!" He charged at Yahiko with his sword raised. Yahiko only ran not even paying attention to the fact that Kenshin had smashed into a wall. "Man," Kenshin rubbed his face, "when did we get a wall here?" He rubbed the wall as if it were a soft blanket. He began to rub his face against it, "Wow it's so hard. When did we get this?" He looked at Saito and used the wall to help himself up. "Dude, bro this is the closest I think I've ever been to you right now bro. Bro Saito, you and I are going to have a best friend's song I'm serious." Saito looked at Kenshin, "Okay dude I was thinking the same thing. This is so us right now okay like seriously. Okay ready one…two….three…" They both began to sing, their voices slurred and sort of incomprehensible, "We are the beshtest besh frwiends in duh worooooooooorrrrrld. We are duh beshtest besht frwiends in duh worrrrrrrrrrrllllllllddddd. Oh yeaaa, yesh we are" They just sang their hearts out. Yahiko looked at Misao who looked at Kaoru who looked at Sano who looked at Seijuro Hiko; they were all perplexed at their behaviour. Kenshin looked at Seijuro Hiko, "Oi old man," his voice was deadly and malicious, "come to your death. Fight me old man." Seijuro Hiko just sat there, his face controlled, "I will not fight my drunken and stupid apprentice." Kenshin growled at the word stupid. He staggered over to Seijuro Hiko, "Fight me." He swung the sword nearly hitting Seijuro Hiko's arm and Kaoru's head. Seijuro didn't even flinch, "I will not fight you young idiot. I do advice you though to sit down before you actually get hurt." Kenshin wobbled and looked down at Yahiko, his eyes were filled with hunger, "Saito", he whispered, "do you see that?" Saito looked at Yahiko apparently seeing what it was that Kenshin saw, "Dude you mean that big ass chocolate bunny?" Kenshin nodded and looked at Yahiko who looked at Kaoru questioningly, "Let's get it!" Saito yelled. He ran/staggered over to Yahiko and pinned him to the ground. Yahiko struggled to get from under him, "Oi, I'm not a chocolate bunny! Get off of me Saito!" Even drunk Saito was strong if not stronger. He looked over at Kenshin, "Dude it talks." He began to lick the poor guy's face. Soon Kenshin was too. Yahiko was just helpless, "Sano! Somebody help me!" Kaoru tried to stifle a laugh, but couldn't. Misao was already laughing, Sano smiled, Seijuro Hiko was just sitting there in silence rolling his eyes, "Idiot apprentice." Saito looked at Seijuro, "Oi you don't know…hic…how epic we are bro…hic" He only rolled his eyes. Kenshin went over to Kaoru and tapped her on her shoulder, "What is it Ken…." Kenshin crushed his mouth over Kaoru's in a somewhat of a passionate embrace. Everyone was silent. Shock was the only thing that hung in the air. Kaoru herself was shocked but didn't break the kiss. Yahiko broke the awkward silence, "Yea Kenshin!" Kaoru had her arms wrapped around Kenshin, deepening the kiss. After the kiss was broken Kenshin looked at Kaoru, "I want you…..hic….to….hic…marry me." Kaoru's eyes were filled with shock, "Kenshin I…." Kenshin put his finger atop of her lips, "Shh…hic….hic" Saito wobbled over to Kaoru, "You are a very…..hic….lucky….hic…...woman...The good t-thing about marrying this guy…this guy….ummm…..he's like big…. man…you know…?" Kaoru just looked shocked. Misao seemed very interested, "What do you mean Saito?" Saito looked at Misao, "I mean like his stuff is like….whoosh…" He gestured the length with his hands spreading them apart around 10 inches. Saito eyes bugged out of his head as he looked at his raised hands. He stumbled back with a scared look in his eyes, "Oh my god! Bro, bro, dude, brosef, do you see this?!" He looked at Kenshin as he stumbled over to him, "Bro, dude, my main slice, do you see this shit? I….have…HANDS…..hic!" Kenshin grabbed Saito's hands, "DUUUUUDE, you have big hands." He smirked, "I forgot you have to compensate." "OH THAT'S IT, WE'RE ABOUT TO THROW DOWN!" Saito tackled Kenshin smashing him against the wall. Kenshin stood, "You know what you remind me of?" Saito tilted his head slightly, "Death!" Kenshin stood up, unsheathing his sword and flipped the handle in his hand. Misao was watching from a safe distance with all the others, thinking herself "Really? Himura, a big guy? You've got to be joking! After all that time spent together he didn't tell me!? Grrrrrrrrrrrrr… HIMURAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" A loud crash echoed in the in the dojo as Saito was flipped upside down, his feet high in the air and his foot twitching. Kenshin stood above him, his eyes murderous and gleaming, "Now die Saito!" Saito waited for the ending blow but it never came. There lying asleep or unconscious next to him, covering his face with sweet smelling red hair. His arm draped across his shoulder. Saito turned to face him and shook him his strength fading for he too was tired. Sano just glance at everyone, "Are we…are we just going to leave them like this?" Everyone just looked at one another and smiled, "Yea just leave them here."

Kenshin's eyes fluttered open. The bright light of the sun shined into the dojo nearly blinding Kenshin. He remembered almost everything about last night down to the kiss he and Kaoru shared and his indecent proposal. He blushed at that thought; she probably didn't know that he was being 100% serious. He heard a groan next to him and slowly he turned his head and saw someone he never wanted to see first thing in the morning. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH!" Saito quickly swiveled his head around and saw the same person he didn't want to see first thing in the morning. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !"


End file.
